Wearing Steve’s Shoes

When one has been in pain for 27+ years, it’s sometimes difficult to determine what is just another version of the old and what needs attention.

I first broached the subject of medical marijuana with my primary care years ago after my miracle drug, Naproxen, was no longer recommended as my kidneys were suffering from prolonged use. Her practice was partially federally funded so could not certify, and the idea of adding another physician to my already ridiculously long roster was less than appealing. I asked for a substitute for Aleve – something not processed through the kidneys – and she said she’d look into it. It remained an unanswered request so I went on – literally for years – without proper pain management, in spite of my dear friend (late-great Randy Alexander) assuming the role of President for SAFE ACCESS TENNESSEE (Cannabis IS Medicine) and singing its praises to me. In spite of having nothing calming my head-to-toe inflammation and suffering, his sharing with me everything one needed to know about it as a viable alternative therapy for chronic unrelenting pain still did not spark my interest. Until recently.

When I finally processed that my 5 months of increasing shoulder pain needed to be looked into, I wasn’t really surprised when the MRI came back showing 3 separate rotator cuff tears, but there was no chance that I would agree to surgery before the Covid coast was clear. What to do…what to do…

In addition to a referral for physical therapy, my primary physician wrote a referral to a certifying practice and I had a telehealth appointment this week. Some of the questions were basic (“Do you still work or are you retired?” “Do you live alone?” e.g.). Some of them seemed irrelevant to me (“What is your highest level of education?”). One in particular served as a straight line, and I was happy to respond:

DOCTOR: “Have you ever hurt yourself intentionally?”
ME: “Only self-deprecation, but I don’t think that’s what you’re asking.”

Did you know you can see someone’s deadpan reaction over the phone?

I don’t know if I’ll try the medicine once I receive my registration. There is a fear
: Years ago, a friend wrote regarding his chance at a different medication for a different ailment and was having the identical worry. “What if it doesn’t work?” he wrote.

“Steve,” I wrote, “What if it DOES!?”

I’m in your shoes now, Steve.


3 thoughts on “Wearing Steve’s Shoes

  1. I hope that whatever you find will work wonders for you. You certainly deserve a break. It’s tough though when the one thing that will (likely) help with one problem will (likely) exacerbate another. The “argh” continues. (Am I “Steve”?)

    Liked by 1 person

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